


A Rose By Any Other Name

by BasicallySnakespere



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-29
Updated: 2020-09-29
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:48:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26709265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BasicallySnakespere/pseuds/BasicallySnakespere
Summary: Janus is named after the roman god of beginnings and endings. One day, he decides to use his greatest power, and erase himself. This is the story of his second life, a life where Deceit never existed in the first place.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders & Deceit | Janus Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders, Deceit | Janus Sanders & Logic | Logan Sanders, Deceit | Janus Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders, Deceit | Janus Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders
Comments: 2
Kudos: 30





	1. Chapter 1

Dear Patton, 

If you ever read this letter, I’m sorry. It means something went wrong with the wipe, and I probably erased myself from existence or something, I’m really not sure how that would work. But I just want you to know, I don’t blame you for what I’m doing. You’ve tried, and that really means a lot to me. I think that given time, we really could have been friends, but I don’t have time, and too much has been said for us to move forward. But that’s why I have to do this. Truthfully, it’s for Thomas first. He’ll never truly accept a dark side, or trust one, and I need him to listen to me, it’s for his own good. 

But I suppose, deep down, I know my reasons are a little more selfish. I don’t want to be hated. I need another chance. I can fix things with Virgil, with Roman, and none of you will hate me this time around. I’ll be more than the liar, the snake, the villain. I can be good, Patton. I hope you understand. I’ll see you on the other side.

Yours,  
Janus

The letters he kept locked in a box, one he hid in his corner of the Mindscape. He kept it with Thomas’s deepest desires, the ones only he saw and knew. No one else came here, and he was fairly certain that it would remain unchanged after he… well.

His final words said, he returned to his room, and settled down for the last few minutes of his old life. He felt things shifting in the Mindscape, and with a deep breath, he shattered. 

His room fractured around him, the walls shaking and splintering.

“JANUS! WHATS HAPPENING-“ The voice, Patton’s probably, tried to come in, but the doorknob was gone. The door was fading, and the walls were smearing together. Janus lied back, feeling his edges grow softer as Thomas’s mind picked him apart. Hopefully Patton wasn’t to hurt by his actions.

It felt like forever, and yet only seconds before the process was over. All of a sudden he felt himself snap back into place. Except, things felt different. He was different. Did that mean it worked? He sat up and looked around his room. The walls were bare, except for a large mirror across from the bed. He stood up and walked over to the mirror. A gasp escaped him as he saw it. Or rather, didn’t see it.

His scales were gone. His scar, the fang, the snake nostril, all gone. He looked just like any other side, except his one eye was still yellow. But it was a human eye. He didn’t look like a monster anymore. He looked, well, normal. His cape and hat were replaced with a soft yellow sweater with a rose on it, and a white beanie. Instead of his gloves, his hands were covered in pictures. Roses, each with a lightly glowing center. He wasn’t sure what that meant, but at least it wasn’t scales.

There was one more thing he needed to know though to learn if his plan truly worked. He steeled himself, and walked over to the door. He grasped the doorknob and turned it, pulling the door open. He looked out and saw Patton standing outside his door, tears running down his cheeks.

“Hel-hello? Why are you crying?” He stepped out, and Patton startled, as if he hadn’t noticed Janus. 

“I, um, I can’t really remember.” He wiped his face with the back of his hand and smiled brightly at the yellow side. “You must be a new side! I’m Patton, and I’m Thomas’s morality! What’s your name kiddo?” The quick switch startled him, and he made a mental note to talk to Patton about that during this life.

“I haven’t picked a name,” he lied smoothly, guess he hadn’t changed too much. “But I’m his desire, so you can call me Dee for now.” Patton smiled wider, and opened his arms up.

“Can I give you a welcome hug? It’s customary.” Janus nodded, and the fatherly side wrapped his arms around him. The hug was warm, and just the right amount of pressure. He hadn’t ever gotten a hug quite like this before, and he hadn’t realized how much he needed it.

Far too soon, Patton pulled away. “It’s nice to meet you Dee! Let’s go introduce you to the other sides! You’ll see, they’re really sweet. It’s a real treat to know them!” Without another word, Patton pulled him along the corridor and down the stairs. “Look who I found!”

The others were gathered in the living room, Virgil in the armchair, Roman standing, his arms out in an emphatic gesture, and Logan on the couch. They all turned, and eyebrows raised as they took in the pair.

“Well now we know what that disturbance was. It seems our family is a little bigger now!” Roman straitened up and put on his most dashing smile. Janus had seen it a dozen times, but never directed at him. It felt good.

“Guys, this is Dee, Thomas’s Desire! I was in the hallway when his door just popped up!”

“Salutations, I am Logan, Thomas’s Logic.”

“Greetings! I am Prince Roman, his creativity! Well, the better half of it anyway.”

“Sup, I’m Virgil, I’m anxiety.”

And there he was. He still took his breath away. Virgil, his emo, sitting there and smirking at him, not a trace of malice in his eyes. How long had he waited to see that? And now he had it, had his second chance. 

“And you already know me! Oh, also there’s one more side. Remus, the other half of creativity.” The energy in the room dropped once Remus was mentioned.

“Where is he?” He didn’t miss the way Roman visibly flinched at that, or how Virgil tensed up. He felt bad for upsetting them, but he needed to know how the final dark side was in a life without him. After a few moments of tense silence, Virgil spoke up.

“You’re a light side, right?” Janus nodded, and he continued. “Remus is a dark side. I also used to be one. But after I left and joined the light sides, Remus was left alone down there. He wasn’t very stable in the first place, but the isolation changed him completely. He’s completely mad, and he started getting violent, we couldn’t just leave him.” 

At this point, Roman took up the story. “I conjured up a containment room for him. We can go in, and he has everything he needs, but he can’t leave or effect anything outside the room. It was the best we could think of. He’s hardly ever coherent anymore, he just raves and screams about a ‘snake’ and ‘liars.’ I wouldn’t try to go see him, he doesn’t react well to me and Virgil, and he actually recognizes us. Patton tried to see him and it didn’t end well.” 

Janus felt guilt welling up inside him quickly. He never meant to hurt his old friend like that. He knew his absence would change things, but not this much. 

The energy in the room had dropped, and everyone seemed extremely uncomfortable. He cleared his throat and strained to find something to change the subject.

“So, who’s going to introduce me to our host?” That seemed to work, and Roman perked up immediately. 

In just a few minutes, he was rising up in between Roman and Virgil, and Thomas was smiling at him. He had only seen Thomas’s smile a couple times before the change, and those were what he treasured most from his past life. And now here he was, smiles all around, not a hint of anger or disgust. 

“So you’re my new side? The personification of my desires? What does that mean exactly? Why are you only appearing now?” Janus was slightly overwhelmed by the influx of questions, and Logan, of all people, noticed.

“Thomas, while I’ll never complain about you wanting to learn and expand your knowledge, I think that perhaps you should slow down, give Dee some time to breathe.” Thomas knotted sheepishly, and he felt a pang of gratitude towards Logan. He wasn’t really a new side, but if he was, this would all be way too much all at once.

All too soon, Thomas had to return to work, and the sides sunk out.

“I have an idea! We should have a movie night, after all, Dee hasn’t been to one!” Patton was jumping up and down, and looking hopefully at the others.

“A splendid idea padre!” Virgil gave a grunt of approval, and Logan sighed and nodded, already resigned. No one withstood Pat’s puppy eyes. Not for long anyway. Patton cheered, and ran to go gather every pillow and blanket he could find.

When Patton came back, popcorn was popping, and Virgil and Roman were playfully arguing over what movie to show Dee first. The moral side plopped his armful of bedding on top of Roman, silencing him. “Whoops, didn’t see you there Ro!” He giggled, and Janus found himself laughing along with him and Virgil, who chuckled at Roman’s misfortune. 

“My hair! Pat, how could you slander me so!”

“Grow up Princey, it’s just hair, it can’t hide your giant ego even if it looks good.” The two started bickering, and Patton sat down next to Janus, a soft look on his face.

“I didn’t mean to pry or anything, but I peeked into your room. The door was open, and I noticed the walls were all blank. We’ll have to get it spruced up a little! You can get Roman to conjure things for you, and just you wait, it’ll feel like home in no time!” Janus nodded along distractedly, not really paying attention.

“Excuse me Patton, I need to grab something from my room real quick, I’ll be right back.” He stood up, his head spinning. He made it up the stairs before he slumped against the wall, the room tilting. He managed to stumble to his room, locking the door once he made it inside. He collapsed against the bed, feeling something choking his throat. He coughed, and felt it dislodge, and he coughed it up into his hand. It was a rose, tightly closed, the thorns dripping with blood. As he starred, the flower trembled, and its petals began to open. A golden light glowed inside it, and he saw an image in the light. It was him, telling Patton about how he didn’t have a name. 

He felt another rose clogging his throat, and he coughed up another rose. This one showed him standing and excusing himself just a few minutes ago. When he lied to Patton. Both flowers showed times he lied. So that was what the roses meant. Even in this new life, he couldn’t truly leave Deceit behind. He conjure a vase, and placed the roses in them. Might as well spruce up the room a bit.

He looked at the mirror, and cleaned away the blood from his mouth. He collected his nerves, and unlocked the door, heading back down to join the others.

He hadn’t been invited to movie nights before. This was going to be fun.


	2. Chapter 2

In Janus’s opinion, movie night went well. Patton was practically glued to his hip the whole time, and it felt wonderful. Before, everyone avoided touching him if they could help it. But now, there were cuddles. There were casual shoulder touches, gentle hair ruffles, and tightly clasped hands. There were good morning hugs and good night forehead kisses. 

Was Janus touch starved? No, not at all, whatever gave you that idea?

Things were going well, Patton seemed to have accepted him whole-heartedly, and Roman was eager to talk to someone who understood Thomas’s “hopes and dreamy fantasies.”

But he would be lying if he said he wasn’t apprehensive about the others. Logan was smart, and Janus didn’t want him figuring out that “Dee” knew more then he should. As for Virgil… Things didn’t end well last time, and he didn’t want that to happen again. He had a second chance with Virgil here, but he was terrified he’d screw it up. 

But alas, the others were more perceptive then he gave them credit for.

About two weeks after his “arrival” Virgil approached him while he was sitting on the couch, winding some yarn he’d found between his fingers. It was a beautiful shade, a deep green, and he wanted to try and make something out of it. He loved to crochet, not that anyone else knew that.

“Hey Dee, can we talk?”

Right, Virgil was there too.

“Sure, what do you need?” He kept his tone even, not hinting at the nervousness he felt.

“It's just, maybe I’m imagining things, but, have you been avoiding me?”

Shit.

He struggled to find something to say that wasn’t a lie. “It's complicated.” That worked. “I think I’m… apprehensive. I don’t want to say or do something that would upset you.” So far so good. “I just don’t want things to end badly.” At that, Virgil’s eyebrows rose and Janus realized he’d said too much.

“Sorry, just forget I ever said that, I’m goinguptomyroomurgentbuisnessandallthat-” He bolted, slamming the door shut behind him, collapsing on the bed as he coughed up another rose. The lie he’d told Virgil was sour on his tongue. He lay there, he wasn’t sure how long, contemplating. Disassociating. How would he make this work? Clearly he couldn’t just avoid the emo. And Janus really wanted a good relationship with him too. Was it inevitable that Janus would screw things up and it would end with blood and tears?

A tingling on his wrist broke him out of his spiral. He rolled up his sleeve to see one of the roses tattooed on his skin tremble, then bloom open. He pressed a hand to it, and saw Patton, curled up in bed, blanket wrapped tightly around his shoulders.

“You’re okay Patton. You’re just fine, that’s what they need. Just a happy pappy Patton.” Patton got up and looked in his own mirror, wiping tears from his eyes. “I’m just fine, nothing is wrong. I am having a great day, and everything is just fine.” The vision ended, and Janus looked at the flower. The edges of the petals were a light blue, just Patton’s color. So, those roses should be someone else’s lies. Interesting. He’d have to figure out what else the reset had done to him.

But more importantly, he needed to go comfort Patton. The real question was how. Patton was always trying to fix everything. He’d bake cookies if Roman was feeling down, he’d bring Logan blankets and tea when the logical side was overworking. He’d made a playlist of soothing songs for when Virgil was overwhelmed, and he’d given Janus plenty of cuddles. So how was he supposed to cheer up the cheering-upper?

The best idea Janus had was cuddles, but how to get Patton to accept them without feeling guilty? A little improv was his best bet, after all he always thought best on the fly.

He changed into his softest sweater, and went down the hall to Patton’s door. He rapped on it gently, calling out, “Hey Patton, are you in there?”

After a moment, the door creaked open to reveal Patton, eyes red but otherwise looking like his normal self. “Hey kiddo, what can I do for you?”

Well, here goes nothing. “I was feeling kinda overwhelmed earlier, do you think you’d be up for some cuddles?” He held his breath as he waited for Patton’s reply.

“Sure, kiddo, I’ll grab some blankets. Where too, scootaloo?” He giggled at the rhyme, and Patton’s grin was worth it all. 

“How ‘bout the couch, then we could maybe watch a movie?” If they were in the living room, it was more likely the others would come through, and join them. More sides meant more comfort for Patton.

The plans made, they set off, and soon Janus and Patton were cuddled up on the couch, the opening credits for WALL-E playing. It wasn’t long before Roman joined them, claiming he heard Disney calling for him. Virgil joined them next, saying that if he could hear the movie anyway he might as well watch it. Logan was the last to join them, and only because Patton’s puppy-dog eyes were irresistible. 

They watched Lilo and Stitch once WALL-E was done, and then Roman insisted on Howle’s Moving Castle. It was honestly a surprise, coming from the Disney-loving Prince, but Janus couldn’t deny it was a cinematic masterpiece.

Patton was asleep half-way through Lilo and Stitch, and Logan soon followed. Once they were out, Virgil turned to Janus questioningly.

“So, you don’t have to answer, but why were you two down here in the first place. I sensed some serious anxiety coming off of you, and I wanted to know if I overstepped earlier?”

“No, you were fine.” He’d pay for that with another rose later. “Patton just seemed upset, and I wanted to cheer him up, but if he knew that was what I was doing he’d insist he was fine. He does that often, doesn’t he?” Virgil nodded, and Janus untangled himself, making an excuse about needing to use the bathroom. 

Once the door was safely locked, he hacked up two more roses. God, this new curse was annoying. He felt the anger roiling inside of him. Why couldn’t he catch a break? Why was he the only side with these stupid curses? Why couldn’t he just have a chance at a normal life, happy with the other sides, no secrets, no curses, no lies? He tore the roses, shredding the scarlet petals. He wanted to scream, to shatter the mirror. But no, that would ruin what happiness he did have. That thought dried his anger right up.

Numbly he cleaned up the petals, flushing the remnants of the roses down the toilet. He rinsed the blood from his mouth until he looked normal. Well, close enough anyway.

When he returned, Virgil and Roman were both asleep, the end credits rolling. He turned off the TV and climbed into the pile, snuggling back up against Patton. For tonight at least, he’d forget about curses and roses and green yarn, the same color as those eyes…


	3. Chapter 3

“Pardon me Logan, but may I have a word?”

Logan was in his room, reading a book about amphibians. Janus had come in, and was waiting in the doorway.

“Sure, what do you need?”

“I wanted to ask you about something.”

“Go ahead, you may ask me.”

“I’m Thomas’s desire, and I know when he has a big desire, and recently he’s given up on one. It was a really big one too, something he wouldn’t easily give up on. What happened?”

He knew, of course, how the callback originally went. But he played a major role in the courtroom. How had his absence changed things?

“It’s a complicated issue Dee, one I’m not sure I can explain properly. It would be best if I showed you. Would you be adverse to a trip down the memory archives?”

Dee hadn’t ever gotten to go down the archives before, atleast, not with full access. He could steal snippets here and there, but full memories? He was curious now, what he would find.

“That sounds excellent Logan, would you be alright leaving now?”

The logical side rose from his seat, straightened his tie, and moved out the door past Janus, the side in question following quickly behind.

“After you’ve learned the way, you should have full access to the memories, since you’re a ‘light side’ as Roman puts it. Ah, here we are.” Logan had stopped in front of a door, labeled “MEMORY LANE.”

The hallway, or lane, was long and filled with seemingly endless rows of shelves, much like inside out. Instead of glowing spheres though, each memory was a flower. It was a haven of petals and sunshine, and Logan walked through the rows, carefully tending to each plant like a devoted gardener.

“It’s one of my roles to attend to the memories, and I will admit, I find it quite relaxing to tend to the plants. They need close care to stay in good condition. Weeding the plants helps to keep the memories accurate, and it prevents cognitive distortions. Watering them keeps them fresh, and makes it easier for Thomas to retrieve memories. The sunshine simply keeps them bright, and helps Thomas remember the details.” 

“He really has a subconscious thing for flowers, huh?” The comment slipped out before Janus could think about it, and he quickly regretted it. Logan had turned back to face Janus, and his expression was openly curious, and Janus knew he wouldn’t be getting out of this one.

“What do you mean? Have you seen some other flower-based phenomena within Thomas’s psyche? To my knowledge, it was only the memories.”

Janus sighed, and praised whatever god was out there that he could still think on his feet. “If I tell you, would you promise not to tell the others?”

Logan raised an eyebrow, but nodded. “I will not disclose anything you share with me, unless it would be harmful to Thomas for it to remain secret.”

Well, he’d take what he could get. With another sigh, he rolled up the sleeve of his left wrist, exposing a few of his roses. In this light, he could now see what the dimness of his room hid, and the sunshine revealed the different hues of the roses. Some were a soft yellow, while others were tinted more orange. Even the reds had mixed shades, some being vibrant, while others were darker, a deep shade of crimson. There were even a few shades of coral and white in the mix. It was, for lack of a better word, beautiful.

Janus stared down at his arm, having pushed up his sleeve all the way to reveal the roses twining up his arm, entranced by blossoms. Logan too was staring, though his gaze was more calculating, and Janus realized he had to say something, before Logan took it upon himself to discover the meaning behind his markings.

“They’ve been there since I appeared, but they haven’t changed at all since then.” He felt the lie clog up his throat, and he turned away to cough up a couple petals into his hand, discarding them before Logan noticed. “I’m not sure what their purpose is though, I probably haven’t been around long enough.” There, that was close enough to the truth that it shouldn’t cost him a rose.

Logan seemed to accept that explanation, and with a reluctant promise to discuss the matter more later, he moved down the aisle, finally stopping at a row a little ways in.

This section was packed with flowers, too many for Janus to name. He saw roses and daffodils, holly and tansy. He recognized carnations, chrysanthemums, columbine, and hydrangeas. But even hidden among the hues of reds, purples, and yellows, he saw so many shapes and sizes of petals he wouldn’t know where to begin.

“This was a very emotionally charged event for Thomas, so there is more variety then you’d find in most memories. There is a total of 36 plants in this section, so I advise to get the gist of it, you look through the aloe, amaryllis, anemone, begonia, belladonna, black-eyed susan, carnations, columbine, crab blossom, hyacinth, hydrangea, hyssop, marigold, myrtle, roses, and tansy, to start. Simply sniff a blossom, and you’ll enter the memory, see it exactly how it happened.”

Well that wasn’t a lot to take in. But he still moved towards a flower, picking what he was pretty sure was a begonia, and took a deep whiff.

\----------------flashback-----------------

Thomas burst in, yelling about his callback. Roman freaked out, and Patton was supportive, until he learned the date, nothing had changed there. This time though, “Foe-gan” didn’t appear, and there was no courtroom. Patton said it was wrong, and so Roman quietly gave up, pushing his dream behind him. Thomas never admitted he’d rather go to the callback, and that was that.

Until Remus came. Without Janus to rein him in, he’d gone off the deep end. It hurt to see him like that, and Janus felt the regret welling up inside him. 

The darker twin was almost feral, tearing savagely into Thomas’s mind, bringing out everything Janus had worked to hide away, forcing Thomas to confront all his worst fears. It took all four of the light sides to rein him in, and they locked him in the subconscious, where he wouldn’t have nearly as much influence. Where he couldn’t hurt anyone but himself. 

Thomas went to the wedding. That didn’t change. He came back though, and he snapped. All the stress, the anger he’d been repressing, Thomas had reached his boiling point.

Patton and Roman came in to defuse the situation, though that didn’t help much. Patton insisted that they had done the right thing, even if it didn’t feel right. Roman finally spoke up, saying that he wished they’d gone to the callback, and that maybe Patton wasn’t always right.

Logan came in then, saying that it was impossible for Patton to be correct 100% of the time, and that in this case, it was more likely then not that he’d made the wrong call. He pointed out how the callback had more to offer Thomas, and the huge decline his mental health had taken since choosing to go to the wedding. How even now, Thomas had gained no joy from the event.

Patton continued to insist that they’d done the right thing, that it had to be right, that it couldn’t have been a mistake because then he’d madeamistakeandhewaswronganditwasallwrongandwhatwasevenrightanymoreand-

Patton blew up, screaming and howling, holding his head as Lilypadton burst forth. Roman and Logan tried to calm him down, but Patton was gone, and he no longer knew what right and wrong were. He was being forced to re-examine everything he’d been taught, and this time Janus wasn’t there to help him through it.

Luckily someone else was. Virgil finally came in, and told Patton to breathe, to let Thomas breathe. The anxious was able to calm Morality down, and then explain that he was pushing Thomas too far, and that he needed to ease up. Thomas couldn’t keep going like this, giving every bit of himself to others, and Patton was finally able to see how he was hurting his host.

He apologized, and finally admitted that the wedding wasn’t the best choice, that maybe they should’ve gone to the callback, and explained the situation to Lee and Mary Lee. 

Then it was Roman’s turn to be angry. Everything he had sacrificed was for nothing. His dream was about to come true, only for Patton to pull him back, and change his mind later? He was furious, that no one had listened before, that Patton hadn’t even given him a chance.

Janus heard Roman’s words echoing in his mind as the memory ended, harsh and broken. “You said you trusted me, I thought I meant more to you then that. Thomas, I thought I was your hero.”

\------------------End Flashback------------  
When Janus came too, he was holding an anemone, a flower he knew meant forsakenness. He wasn’t sure how to process what he’d learned, so instead he turned back to Logan, who’d been tending to the plants while Janus reminisced. 

“What happened? After Roman left?” The logical side turned and faced Janus, placing his hands behind his back.

“Well, we made a plan to prioritize Thomas’s mental health in the future, and how to start putting him first. When we went to check on Roman, he said he needed some space, but after a few days he seemed to be back to his normal, extra, self. That was about two weeks before you appeared, so I supposed your existence is in response to Thomas deciding to start putting his desires first.”

Logan turned and gathered up his tools, before heading towards the exit. “I hope this was an enlightening experience for you Dee, now if you’ll excuse me, I have some more work to attend to in my room.” With that, he left, leaving Janus alone with the memories.

Knowing what he knew now, Janus had only one move in mind for the future. Whatever it took, he was going to find a way to see Remus again.


End file.
